Day 4

The energy of the mind is the essence of life.

--Aristotle

Perhaps it's merely the thrill of sobriety, but I feel that things have gotten much easier. I didn't really have cravings when I woke up, and I had much more control over my thoughts throughout the day. Sure, I still thought about it, but the need just isn't there. I've even found that I'm really not very short tempered at all. I'm having a good week. I'm not depressed, I've been running a fair amount, I've been looking forward to things as opposed to dreading them.

On a related note, however, I haven't noticed that I have more time to do things. People online always say, "you'll have so much more time to do the things you love" and "you wont be wasting so much time sitting around . . . blah, blah, blah." Perhaps that was true when I was 17. As an adult, I rarely smoked and wasted my day. I usually occupied it with cleaning, reading, cooking, running, hiking, and so on. I am certainly not someone who's going to zone out and play Xbox for 7 hours, or get stoned and listen to Insane Clown Posse and cry all day. I do spend a little to much time on the internet, but I have other hobbies.

While I haven't noticed a surplus of time in my day, I have noticed some behavioral changes that affect the way I spend it. I don't think twice about leaving the house. I don't get nervous about being too stoned in public (because I'm not stoned). I don't run around the house for a half hour trying to find my keys or wallet. I don't start 10 different tasks in different rooms of the house and run around to each of them like a someone with severe ADHD. I haven't noticed a greater quantity of time, but I've noticed the quality of my time has improved. I am more focused, I think clearly, and I'm much less likely to sit around waiting to come down a little bit.

I feel like I've undergone a few physical changes, as well. I mentioned in the previous post that I have been breathing better. This is still true, I am clearer in the lung department. I ran great yesterday! I remember this effect from previous breaks I've taken. I'll be in the middle of a great, energy-filled run wondering why I don't do this more often. I just easily forget and fall back into the habit. I'm excited to see how my running progresses over the next few weeks.

I've still been eating and sleeping fine. I just read until I'm tired and doze off. The vivid dreams continue. I never remember my dreams like I have over the past 3 nights, so I have decided to keep a journal of them. Not here, of course, although some may relate to what I discuss in this blog. I started this post with very little to say, and more and more kept spilling out. It has become a bit lengthy. Without trying to make it any longer than necessary, I just want to say that expressing myself in writing has provided me with a great deal of motivation. I look forward to continuing. 

Sincerely,

Dan K.